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Spelling & Grammar

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Hate It - KDC

I have many stories to tell but first I want to put something to rest.

 There have been complaints that I am a bad speller.

This will come as a shock to most of you, but I know. I know I am a bad speller and I don't care. I have actually locked up the spell checker on my PC. The only thing worse than my spelling would be my grammar. I like saying stuff like "You didn't do no shit around here today".

I think being a good speller is overrated. It won't get you a free meal at Denny's. It won't get you out of hell:

 Devil, "Let me see here, you were a murderer, good, good. A liar and a thief, excellent You sodomized goats and pigeons, over the top, oh my, oh my. Wait, what is this? What the hell (get it), he/she is all yours Lord. It appears he/she was a good speller."

God responds, "Well, send him/her on up then, we can't have too many good spellers now, can we Devil?"

If you wrote your own eulogy it might state that you were loved by all.  You might have been the martyr of kindness, was awarded the Sagamore of citizenship, etc. Oh and you were a good speller too. 

No songs have ever been sung about good spelling. To the best of my knowledge no good poetry has ever been written about good spelling. This is, of course, excluding Tori and or the other Spelling family members.

In fact it is likened to having six toes on one foot or being from Saskatchewan, the only other people who give a shit are people with six toes on one foot, and/or are from Saskatchewan or that they are good spellers. Personally I would rather engage the first two in conversation. Really, wow, which foot? What part of Saskatchewan are you from? So you won eight spelling bees huh. Hey, six-toed Saskatchewanian dude, get your ass over here and meet a honest to goodness real good speller. Jeesh.

 Maybe you should start a good speller club. Only good spellers could join it. They would have to take a spelling test at every meeting to gain entry into the club. Then you could sit around drinking wine that the rest of us morons can't pronounce let alone spell. I can see you sitting in your overstuffed leather chairs looking smugly at each other and spelling shit. Well not shit, per say that would be too easy.

I would hazard to guess that the above is the single most longest, only-est, thing written about being a good speller, EVER.

Besides all of the above, my secretary has a masters degree in library science and I bet she could out spell all of you, at the same time, with both of her hands tied behind her back. So there!


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