I have many stories to tell but first I
want to put something to rest.
There have been complaints that I am a bad speller.
This will come as a shock to most of you, but I know. I
know I am a bad speller and I don't care. I have actually locked up the
spell checker on my PC. The only thing worse than my spelling would be my grammar. I like saying stuff like "You didn't do no shit around here today".
I think being a good speller is overrated. It won't get
you a free meal at Denny's. It won't get you out of hell:
Devil, "Let me see here, you were a murderer, good,
good. A liar and a thief, excellent You sodomized goats and pigeons, over
the top, oh my, oh my. Wait, what is this? What the hell (get it), he/she is
all yours Lord. It appears he/she was a good speller."
God responds, "Well, send him/her on up then, we can't
have too many good spellers now, can we Devil?"
If you wrote your own eulogy it might state that you
were loved by all. You might have been the martyr of kindness, was awarded
the Sagamore of citizenship, etc. Oh and you were a good speller too.
No songs have ever been sung about good spelling. To
the best of my knowledge no good poetry has ever been written about good
spelling. This is, of course, excluding Tori and or the other Spelling
In fact it is likened to having six toes on one foot or
being from Saskatchewan, the only other people who give a shit are people
with six toes on one foot, and/or are from Saskatchewan or that they are
good spellers. Personally I would rather engage the first two in
conversation. Really, wow, which foot? What part of Saskatchewan are you
from? So you won eight spelling bees huh. Hey, six-toed Saskatchewanian
dude, get your ass over here and meet a honest to goodness real good
Maybe you should start a good speller club. Only good
spellers could join it. They would have to take a spelling test at every
meeting to gain entry into the club. Then you could sit around drinking wine
that the rest of us morons can't pronounce let alone spell. I can see you
sitting in your overstuffed leather chairs looking smugly at each other and
spelling shit. Well not shit, per say that would be too easy.
I would hazard to guess that the above is the single
most longest, only-est, thing written about being a good speller, EVER.
Besides all of the above, my secretary has a masters
degree in library science and I bet she could out spell all of you, at the
same time, with both of her hands tied behind her back. So there!
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